She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
