I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His hands were made for my vagina.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
