if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
