Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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