I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
