she was so not down for the gang bang
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
