Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
