i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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