I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
