i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
