I want to stick my p in your. b.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
