the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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