She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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