we're blogging at a bar
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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