Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
