I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
