It's Friday. Sex?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
