hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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