i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Holy sore nipples Batman
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
