What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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