I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My feet surprised me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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