member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
