There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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