Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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