In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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