cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
