Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said her name was "party"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need moral support for this bender
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
