His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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