But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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