just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
