see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
