i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
