I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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