sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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