He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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