i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize