I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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