My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
