Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize