NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
