Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
