i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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