If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
