as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
