Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
