new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
