In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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