dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
