Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
