You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
