Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it because I queefed?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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