don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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