Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
