Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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