so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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