Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize