if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
