i just google imaged poop.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
