Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
