You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
