I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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