You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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