I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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