Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
