I want to have your abortion
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
