He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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