i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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