He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
