I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
