it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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