arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
