The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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