I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
