my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
