Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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