he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
