How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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