The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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